低潮過後　生機再現

 

受訪老師：Miss Jennifer

採訪同學：過曦和、葉飛豪

採訪地點：Miss Jennifer家中

 

學生：請問妳怎樣看待耶穌基督信仰？

老師：我想我和你們有些不同，我從小到大都一直有聽關於神的故事，儘管你們在培正也有聽這些故事，但我認為也有點不同因為在家中，媽媽也在說教，祖母也在說教，然後有空就要去教堂，所以我總會有對耶穌定義的標準答案。直到我升上中學，我才開始對耶穌的身份抱有疑問。因為你知道，我未有親眼看見過耶穌，我也沒有親身接觸過耶穌，那我怎麼知道祂真的存在呢？我記得中學時有一個和我很要好的日本同學，但我倆的宗教觀十分不同，我記得她經常問道：「你怎麼會相信耶穌？」因為在日本他們跟本不會去想這些事，對於是否存在耶穌這個問題，他們覺得根本沒有任何意義，他們不會在乎。那時，耶穌是否存在這個問題讓我苦惱了好幾個月，有一天我在睡前，回想過去，思考耶穌是否存在，問自己：我怎樣知道耶穌存在？經過反思，我再次肯定主在生活中給予我的愛。回想我以前的生活……算不上很困苦，但也不易撐過來，我的父母並不富有，就連我的父母這次來澳，我也得親自付費邀請他們，否則他們絕不會來。有時聖誕節，我們連買聖誕禮物的錢也不夠，我有很多兄弟姊妹，面對種種的困難，我看見主在幫助我們。有一年我們沒有足夠的聖誕禮物，神奇地有人送了聖誔禮物給我們，並放在門前的梯級上，我不知怎樣說……但我感受到主的愛在追隨着我。雖然這不能科學地證明主的存在，但我有另一個觀點，而那會是另一個很長的故事了，總括來說，我能感受到生命中有主耶穌的存在。

 

Student：How do you see Jesus?

Jennifer：Well, I think one difference from me or from you guys maybe, is that I grew up hearing the story about Jesus from when I was young. And I know that you guys hear it at Pui Ching, but I still think that it’s different, because my parents talked about Jesus and my grandparents talked about Jesus. And I went to church from the time when I was one week old! So I have always known the model answers about Jesus, you know? But it wasn't until when I was in middle school that I really started to have some doubt and some questions about who Jesus is. Because it's true, like, I’ve never seen him with my eyes, I’ve never touched him with my hands, so how do I know that He exists? I remember (actually this goes back to my Japanese friend that I met in middle school), when I met her, that was the first time I really was a very good friend with someone who's belief was much different than mine. And I remember she always told me, “How can you believe in God? Because in Japan we never even think about that. You know, whether He really exists or not is not a practical question, so we don't care.” Actually, for a few months I was really kinda depressed about that (about what she said) and I didn't know what I thought. And I remember one day I was... I think trying to sleep... and I just thought back about my life and that question, “How do I know if God exists or not?” I think the main thing I can say is that, I have seen God's love in my life. Actually my life... is not very difficult, but it has also not been very easy. My parents never had a lot of money. Even when they came this time (they came this February), I had to invite them (pay for them) to come, otherwise they could never have come. Some Christmases I remember we didn't have enough money for Christmas presents. But during all the difficulties (‘cause there are so many kids in my family too,) I could see God's working, like, that year that we didn't have Christmas presents- on Christmas day they just, appeared on our door step, someone brought them to us! I don't know how to say that, except that I can see God's love accompanying me every step of my life. That doesn't prove His existence scientifically, but I think... I mean I can talk about that, but that's another story, you know what I mean? So that's for me, personally, how I have seen Him in my life.

 

學生：主曾令你失望嗎？

老師：我的答案可以說是「有」，也可說是「沒有」。我是說，有時我期望事情這樣發展，而結果不是，就產生失望。但後來總會發覺這樣的失望，其實是幫了我。我是個人，人總是會感到失望，這很正常。但失望不可歸咎於神，失望是因為我們對世界的觀感不一樣，甚至可以說，我的人生觀或看法是不對的。正如我剛才提及，以前曾經喜歡過一個男孩，我想可能由於生在美國、童年時經常觀看迪士尼電影的緣故，以為只要真心愛一個人，愛就可以克服一切。長大後，漸漸明白這句話並不完全正確，人的愛並不能克服一切，我不能令一個人信主，更不能要求他做我認為對的事，結果帶來的只有失望。也許今日我仍對人失望，甚至對主失望，但內心深深知道主所賜的一切，總是最好的。我慶幸當年沒有在婚姻大事上妥協，否則今日我就不會出現在澳門了。

 

Student：Had Jesus ever disappointed you?

Jennifer：I think the answer to this question is “yes”, and also “no”. What I mean is that, I think there were many times in my life where I expected something to be one way, and then, it wasn't like that, so I was disappointed.

But later, I realized that the thing that caused me disappointment was actually better for me. And I guess, why you could say that, is because I'm a person, I'm going to be disappointed. That's natural, I think, but the disappointment does not come from who Jesus is, but more from the way that I see the world. Maybe my perspective is not right. So one example is, (like I mentioned that that boy that I like before): I think... maybe because I'm American, I had watched too many Disney movies, and I thought that, “If you love someone, love can overcome any difficulty.” And during that experience (of things not working out with the boy) I realized that it's not true- at least not for human love. It cannot overcome everything. I couldn’t make him love Jesus; I couldn’t make him choose the thing that I wanted him to choose. So that was a huge disappointment:(because he was not a Christian). But I could have been disappointed with God and even now, to maybe not have a family (in the future), I could be, or sometimes am (disappointed), but at heart I know that (what’s true). Now I can even say I'm glad that I didn't marry him, I wouldn’t be back in Macao, you know?

 

學生：所以你是說這個失望其實幫了你？

老師：是的！如果我嫁了給他，而他卻不愛主，將來只會引發一連串更大的失望。所以，如果我說有失望過，是偶爾對主的失望；如果我說沒有，那是曾經失望，但最終才察覺原來這個失望對自己是有幫助的。

 

Student：So you mean the disappointment actually help you?

Jennifer：Yes! And also that, if I had married him, and he didn't love God in the same way, there would be much greater disappointment in the future than the one that happened that time. So I think... when I say “yes”, I have had some disappointment with Jesus, when I say “no”, I mean that at the moment I must be disappointed, but later, I can realize what's good.

 

學生：你相信有世界末日嗎？

老師：聖經中，耶穌跟門徒說過，沒有人知道祂什麼時候會回來，換句話說，沒有人能預言祂什麼時候再來。但這是否說我不認為有世界末日呢？不是的。我相信有世界末日。每當發生水災、戰爭等災難，這些都是世界末日的警示、信號。有時我看見世界上這麼多災難，我總會想：「啊……可能世界末日快到了。」而有時我不想回學校的時候，我就會想：「世界末日快到吧！」但是，如果有人斷言世界末日是某年某日，我可以說一定不是那天，因為我們都知道，人不能預言。

 

Student：Do you believe there’s the end of the world?

Jennifer：At one time, Jesus was talking to the disciples and He told them that no one knows the day or the hour He will return-that Jesus will come back. So in other words, He (Jesus) said, that it is impossible for us to predict that. Does that mean that I don't think the end of the world is coming soon or that I don't believe in it? No, ‘cause I believe in it. The more things that happen like the floods, the war and so many things, those are things that Jesus told us are signs of the end of the world. Sometimes when I see all the bad news, I think: “Uhh, maybe the end of the world is coming.” And sometimes when I don’t want to go to school, I think:  “Uhh, I wish you would come sooner!” But, but, I think we, if people said, it is May (that Jesus will come back), whatever, it must not be that day, because we cannot predict it, we already know that.

 

學生：請問妳的人生觀如何？

老師：我讓你看看這個，這棵植物是Miss Kelly送給我的。大約在六個月前，它好像已經枯死了，Miss Kelly叫我把它扔掉算了。但我知道這棵植物的生命是有季節性的，有時看起來好像死了，但後來還是活了過來。我們的生命也是一樣，有時會有失望和低潮，但在適當的時候，我們的生命又會再次活躍起來。這棵植物正好提醒我們：每一個人的生命，低潮過後，生機再現。

 

Student：What is your life philosophy?

Jennifer：You can see the plant here… ok, I'll show you this one. This plant is from Miss Kelly, About six weeks ago, it looked like it was a dead plant, and she told me just to throw it away. But I know that this plant also has some seasons in its life. Sometimes, it will appear to be dead, but sometimes it will have life again. So sometimes, I think our lives are like that- we have seasons of disappointment or down times, but at the right time, our life will bloom again. So I think plants help me to remember that people's lives, my students’ lives, and my life is like that.